Saturday, January 19, 2013

Comics Review: Captain America #3

Written by: Rick Remender
Art by: John Romita Jr
    Hello to all and welcome to another week at The Verbal Mosh. Today, we're continuing the thrill ride that is Rick Remender's Captain America. Firstly, this should be a biweekly book. I want to be reading this every two weeks, and I'll gladly sacrifice Iron Man for it. Not that Shell Head's bad, but I digress. For those who haven't been keeping up, and I shun you if you haven't, Steve in trapped in Dimension Z by Arnim Zola. He breaks out and has kidnapped a baby. Together, they've spent a year surviving the world of Dimension Z. Roughing it out, and boiling water inside Cap's shield like real men. Anymore manly and the kid, named Ian, would have a beard. So now that we're caught up roughly, let's crack this book open and begin.
    It opens with a flashback, Switzerland 1929 at Arnim Zola's castle. Yeah, dude has a castle. A man who lives in the same hood, probably on the bottom of the hill, comes a-knocking on Zola's door. Asking about his wife, Hilda. She's Arnim's maid and he hasn't seen her in two weeks. Or so he says. The man mentions she was with a doberman, for protection. Remember this, doberman. Keep it in your mind...keep it. Keep it. Keep it. Okay. Arnim shoos the man away, and storms through his house, ranting to a portrait of his father talking and yelling what sounds like a usual speech for every time he passes the painting of his father. Down some creepy steps that are a must in any psychopath's lair and he come to Arnim Zola's lab. Body parts hung from the ceiling, and other parts in jars and containers. We now see a creature in a glass box. Head of a woman and body of a dog. Probably a doberman. Did you keep that doberman in your head? Good! She barely getting the words out to Zola for food and milk. Claiming that it hurts, all of it hurts. Then Zola calls her by name and we find out that's Hilda. This sick man has been capturing people and all different types of species and blending them together. Combining creatures to make more nasty creatures. Come back to the now in Dimension Z and Zola's speaking to his daughter. A little girl no older than 8, a cloned creation born in his lab. Then he just throws her to the wolves. And by wolves I mean an arena of Zola's creations ready to kill. If she can survive that, she won't need her awkward suit anymore. We can only assume that this is some weapon crafted to kill Captain America when Zola finds him.
    Phrox Cavern. Picking up where the last issue ended. These big nasty rock monster type things are about to decapitate Cap and Ian with his own shield. They don't seem to understand Steve yelling "No Zola!" when trying to tell them he's not with Zola, but against him. I guess getting lost in translation can get your head cut off, reason 42 why I'm never going to Europe. Breaking his own hand to escape his restraints, Steve tackles Ian out of the way just as the shield comes down. Then he tries to go all Bruce Lee on these dudes and well, gets his ass handed to him. And almost stabbed with a lightning bolt looking thing that was conjured from nowhere, only to be stopped by another rock monster thing. The two begin arguing in their native weird language, and Cap finally decides NOW is a good time to turn on his translator on that was given to him by Hank Pym. Gee, a whole year on a planet where only you and the bad guy speak english and NOW we want to understand and communicate with them? Hey, what do I know though? Anyways, as it kicks in we get bits and pieces of broken english coming through. We learn that they're called mutates, and they're against Zola as well. And they could use Cap to help these mutates called Hurricanes for them.
    Now we have a flash back. Back to Manhattan, the lower east side in 1930. The sun's shining, the birds are chirping, there're neighborhood kids playing in the street, the Nazi's haven't taken over the world yet. All is good. Steve is sitting on a stoop creepily drawing pictures of a near by girl. They catch each others eye and she walks over asking to see what he's working on. Hesitant at first, Steve ends up showing her the picture of her. She tells him to draw his way out of that dump. Escape the dirty nasty streets of 1930's New York. They introduce themselves and she asks why Steve hasn't been in school. Daddy's dead, Mom's poor. Sounds like a good Bon Jovi song. At that moment, we see a couple bullies chasing a kid down the street, yelling about a nickel. Wow, how the times have changed. Steve being the little scrawny hard headed child he is, wants to run after and help. Deidre tries to stop him without being so blunt as to say "Don't go, you'll just get your ass kicked." Well, maybe she should've been that blunt cuse, yeah. He chases after them and tries to take a swing at the main bully. This is also the bully from issue one that gave Steve a nice ass whooping, so this should be fun for him. A reunion for everyone, yay! The kids proceed to beat the unholy hell out of Steve and his buddy, and if that wasn't enough, they turn Deidre against him. They ask her if she knows what'll happen to her reputation if she's seen with a loser like Rogers. She's not that hard to convince, she buys it and lets the bullies know it wasn't like they were friends or anything. Walking home together, broken and beaten, they arive at Arnie's house. He goes inside getting ready to explain this to his mother, and deal with his father calling him a sissy. Something Steve wouldn't know about anymore.
    Back to present day, Steve and Ian are living with the mutates in Dimension Z. They have food, shelter, water and things to buy their time while they rest up, like painting. A calming activity for Cap. Ksul, the head of household that took in Cap and Ian, takes Steve to a river near by to drink the water, it'll help with his aching hand. That's cool and all, some fountain of youth sheninnigans there. While at the river, Steve is telling Ksul how Zofjor, the leader of their group, is just a tyrant and they shouldn't be following him. Right as Ksul is beginning to agree, here comes Zofjor. Awesome, and he over heard everything, even better. A scuffle begins between the two and leads to Ksul calling Zofjor a tyrant. So to challenge this, Zofjor just shoots Ksul in the face asking is a tyrant would offer such swift mercy like a quick death. Well, THAT escalated quickly. Cap grabs his shield back from Zofjor and does his whole Cappy thing. With the smacking and the swiping and the resourcefulness. Pinned down by his own shield about to die by the magical appearing lightning bolt thingy again, Cap grabs a crystal and gives Zofjor a nice one, two. But not before getting his stomach slashed by that said magicaly bolt of stuff. That's gotta be a serious gash man, when Cap gets up, the blood is seen pouring from his shirt. Its kind of hard to imagine how even a super soldier can stand after that. The mutates are celebrating the defeat of Zofjor, as Cap limps away holding onto his stomach. Talking to himself about how he should be doing better at keeping Ian safe. Getting him home to Earth and other fatherly stuff that his father never did for him. Then we hear a voice from off panel telling Steve yes, he should be more careful because he has to look out for Arnim Zola. Huh? Turn the page and we see a full page panel of Cap looking at his own stomach. Revealing a screen with Arnim Zola's face in his own stomach. WTF?!?!?!?
-Matt Milanes
    And there you have it folks, that's what it feels like to be brain raped. An amazing twist that I honestly did NOT see coming, and now I gotta wait a whole month to get the next piece. -_- awesome. Remender's been doing what he does best and telling an amazing story like its his job...oh wait. Still a little shaky on Romita's art but he's been a little weird for me for a while. I'm liking where this is going and where it could end up. I'm hoping after this arc, Remender can keep up the awesome story telling and give us as many wtf moments as he possibly can. See you all next week!

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