Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Comics Review: Amazing Spider-Man #309

Written by: David Michelinie
Art by: Todd McFarlane

    Mary Jane is still missing. Spider-Man is still pissed. Peter Parker is still hurting. Readers are still reading. Right off the bat, Spider-Man is at a nearby Gym, questioning a local boxer about MJ. A pretty violent fight ends in no answers, and the boxer, Manslaughter Marsdale, to report to his higher up, Madame Fang. An even more frustrated Spider-Man sits on top of a building just sulking, even knocking a gargoyle into a couple pieces. Now before he hurts someone, he decides to just go home, and sulk there. Little does he know, his wife is being held right under him in the same building. Jonathon now shows his crazy even more by telling MJ they're getting married, tonight! She throws a glass of ice in his face, and tries to make a run for it. There's a nearby open door, a very heavy one but at least its open. Just before she can run through it, shes stopped by two massive security guards. Jonathon walks over and pulls out a knife to her face, warning her that is she tries to run again, he'll be forced to do things that'll make her never want to show her face in public again. The guards tell Mr. Caesar that word on the street is, Spider-Man has been looking for Mary Jane. This means that some...special...bodyguards are to be hired for this job.

  The next morning, Peter tries to get back into the swing of things with a normal life at the Daily Bugle......no pun intended. Jonah's got no assignments for him and tells Peter to go find some work out there himself, but he does make a memo that any information on Mary Jane is to be number one priority. Naturally, he's only looking for a story, but at least MJ's on top. Now that the word on MJ is spreading, Peter might as well head to tell Aunt May himself, she might feel left out is she hears it from somewhere else. He just needs to make one stop real quick. He stops at a nearby hospital to visit one of his bosses Robbie Robertson, in another Spider-Man book (Spectacular SM 139) he gets his back broken by Tombstone. The visit is very dark and depressing, appropriate. Back at the Bedford Towers, those special guards that Jonathon hired have finally arrived. Men named Mr. Styx and Mr. Stone. Styx is a tall slender man with a glave, and Stone is a shorter stalkier man. Styx takes his glove off and kills a plant with a single touch, and needless to say this scares the hell out of MJ knowing that they'll be hunting down her husband. On his way home, Spider-Man gets noticed by Jonathon and he sends his new henchmen out quickly, just in time for his Spider-Sense to go off. Styx is still dressed in his sharp suit, but Stone has donned a new yellow suit with two huge guns on his shoulders. Geez, aren't there ANY normal people in New York anymore? In an attempt to prevent the harm of civilians, Spidey decides to take the fight to Central Park, seeing that the only people who're in the park that late are armed and dangerous assholes. Styx and Stone hit the park with some gas that Spider-Man gets a small whiff of and it starts throwing him off, and to add to that, they started shooting out some sonic blasts! These dudes have got every kind of weapon you can think of! Spider-Man figures out that Stone's two guns have different purposes. One shoots projectiles and the other shoots beam weapons, but before he can web them both up, the two baddies stop in their tracks and look away from him. Before he can even question this, a huge flash of light blasts everything in sight blinding Spider-Man!
    Back in MJ's holding cell/apartment, Jonathon tells her that in mere minutes, her "would be" rescuer will be nothing to worry about. He's also standing on a puddle of water, from the ice MJ threw in his face earlier. She's a smart gal and wastes no time trying to electrocute him with a lamp! But he's one step ahead of her wearing rubber sole shoes. Now, I'm gonna take a break here and question why in the unholy hell would he be prepared for this? Ok, break over, he whips out his knife again ready to carve MJ up reeeeaaaalllll nice, and this resourceful lass just smacks him right in the face with the lamp. Glass shatters all over the place and Jonathon is left bloody-faced on the floor. Just then, the original bodyguards walk in and demand she drop the lamp, they're standing over the same puddle of water from earlier, and since they look more of the leather sole shoe type, why not drop the lamp. They both get overly shocked yet stay alive, gotta keep it clean for the kids! And MJ steals one of their guns, telling herself to pretend she's on Miami Vice. Yes, because that's how you use a gun efficiently, just pretend you're on an 80's cop show! The fight between Spider-Man and Styx and Stone carries on with Spidey being blind like DareDevil! The two trap him by coating the floor in adhesive gel and then shooting the branch that Spider-Man is standing on. Relying on only his Spider-Sense, Pete jumps off and lands right in the gel, unable to move. Now, Spider-Man's just a sitting duck, being hit directly with a heat ray just draining every last bit of fight left in him. Styx walks up to him about to touch him right in the face when bullets whiz by the baddies' heads! Spidey uses this moment to reach out and crush the gun, and shooting a whole canister of webbing where a face should be. The two villains get away luckily, since MJ isn't hitting a damn thing with her gun, and without all that heat, Spider-Man can free himself of that adhesive gel. He hears Mary Jane call out to him and with tears in her eyes, she runs to her husband and hugs him. 

    The police arrive shortly as Spider-Man heads home. Back at the apartment complex, Jonathon Caesar is being stuffed into a cop car, leaving the newly reunited couple at home. Heading inside, Peter shares that he feels so guilty for letting her get captured and she awesomely tells him that he shouldn't feel guilty. They have to protect each other, that's what being in love is about. That's so god damned friggin AWE! We've hit roughly the half way mark of this Michelinie/McFarlane Omnibus and what a trip its been. We've gone from churches, to different states, to kidnapping and there's still another whole half to go. Can't wait to see what else my favorite artist has got in store for my ever wanting eyes! Another great edition, check back in a week for another Retro Review! Until next week readers!

-Matt Milanes

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