Thursday, May 1, 2014

Comics Rant: Mighty Thor #215

Written By Gerry Conway
Pencils By John Buscema
Inks By Jim Mooney
Colors By Stan G.

Back for the attack, folks. Well I know that no one really ever says folks anymore, but you know what? It’s my rant and I’ll use whatever I want. So there. Anyhoo, I’m back and we can continue with the craziness that is mid to late 1970’s Thor. Which has more wild things going on than your grandfather having an acid trip from all the damn drugs he did back when he was a kid. Yup. So this tale picks up right where we left off with Thor and his crew teaming up with Mecurio and his gang to take on the giant crystal that has captured Sif and Karnilla.

The crystal tells the good guys that they were once like humans (Weren’t they all?) then their sun was going to explode,
so they added a protective layer around their planet. Something tells me that the good people of Krypton could have taken a cue from these people. Instead of you know, ignoring the smartest guy in the room and then wondering just why they are all dead. That’s what they call irony, folks. Well, while they were inside this giant bubble field the sun exploded and sent them flying into space where they landed in the Dark Nebula. No word yet as to if Galactus is looking for a summer home there. You know with his back and leg problem, this guy needs all the space he can get. Amirite?

Since the people of the crystal have been floating in the Dark Nebula for so long they had to combine their beings into the Crimson Crystal to survive. Well that’s convenient. For them and the plot of this story I mean. Also I got to admit I’m finally fucking happy that Thor calmed the hell down and was all like “Hey, Mecurio, I know I’ve been an ass, but maybe I should try to talk with you instead of just trying to kill you.”  Mecurio: “You know what Thor, let’s be friends! LOL”  Ok none of that took place on the page but I am fully assuming it took place off panel. Maybe.

The Crimson Crystal has Sif and Karnilla in it’s clutches and is stealing both their life force and memories. So the Crimson Crystal and the three miners that they have under their control flee to take over the planet known as, yes, you guessed it, Earth. So Thor and crew jump into his flying space boat and follow in fast pursuit. It’s a pretty funny sight to see everyone, good and bad, just hanging around in Thor’s flying space boat. Or this may have just cracked me up.

Thor catches up with the Crimson Crystal and attacks. You all pretty much know how a Thor tale goes. He finds the bad guy or guys that he’s looking for, then he kicks their ass. With his hammer, while drinking a beer. But this issue issue doesn’t end with a paint by the numbers ending. Right before Thor can wreck things (and wreck them good.) The crystal speaks. In English no less. If Thor breaks the crystal in any way, Sif and Karnilla will die! Thor then says he’s not really worried about Karnilla. I kid. But somehow I bet this at some point was floating in his mind. So Thor just stands around then throws his arms up and walks away. Okay, okay, he didn’t do that. He just let out his standard end of a Marvel comic gasp. Whenever a Comic Book ends with a gasp, I always think of Sideshow Mel’s voice. Hey, it makes me laugh. So this was a nice twist ending. I wonder how Thor saves the day without being an Oaf and breaking something. You’ll just have to come back in a few days for the answer. I bet Thor is standing around waiting for the script to the next issue. He’s stumped just like I am. And I’m a real person!

-Tash Moore

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