Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Comics Rant: Mighty Thor #216

Written by Gerry Conway
Pencils by John Buscema
Inks by Jim Mooney
Colors by Geroge Roussos

In this story titled “Where Chaos Rules” it should just really be titled, “Where Continuity Chaos Rules.” Okay, not really a good title but you know, you get the idea. Tash Moore here, and seeing as how the summer is here and flash floods haven’t sent the Garden State out into the ocean, I can get back to the really important things in life. Like what might you ask? Well, penning this Bronze Age Thor tale from The Mighty Thor #216. Now you all know the deal by now that I don’t get too deep into the details (go read the damn comic for yourself.) but I give it to you quick and dirty. (That sounds wrong.)

Thor and the Asgardians along with Mercurio
and his rag tag group of goobers from the Fourth Dimension, are being faced down by Xorr. Hey for those of you who are late to the party go ask Party Pete. He’ll have the info, or I guess you could just be NOT lazy and read my past reviews. (Shameless plug.) So Xorr is being powered by the body of the Lady Sif and if he dies so does she! That’s a big plot point so remember it. Thor sends Odin and even makes Mercurio leave the Xorr alone. Xorr then gets the bright idea that Thor will be his sole protector. Hell, it only makes sense, seeing as how Sif is powering his big Crystal ass.

So for about four pages we get a totally dejected Thor flying around with Xorr and keeping aliens and such from bothering him. It’s kind of funny how Thor talks about his secret shame being a slave. It’s also got a super awesome panel of Thor putting his palm on his head in his god-like act of shame. “FOR SHAME, THOR!” Heh, it’s his secret shame.

Finally, the thing I kept going on and on about for sometime now. Mercurio finally breaks down and tells Thor that he has a plan (Where have I heard that one before?) and he also tells Thor just why he has been giving him hell this whole time. We all know he needs to save his planet but we didn’t know the why. I mean, he might have gotten to that part had Thor not kept punching him in the mouth before he could spit it out.  Mercurio: “Thor I need your help, my peop….BONK!!” Thor: “Stop right there you multi-colored fiend. Seeing as how you don’t look like me, you must be a bad guy. Why else would you look different from me and have different customs, how dare ye?!?!”  You all know that’s pretty much how it went down.

Xorr then gets caught up in stealing the power of a sun going super nova so he can remake our universe in his own image. ( I’m surprised that this issue somehow made it passed the comic code authority.) Mercurio talks to Thor and asks to help him out and call a truce. We switch back to the planet Midgard (Earth) where Balder and Volstagg are drinking tea. (No, really.) Thanks to the powers of sleepy time tea, Balder now has his memory back. Crap, I forgot he even lost the damn thing. I mean, I remember this, I must have had some of that tea as well. Yea, that’s it. Clearly.

Thor and Mercurio hatch a plan to save the day. While Xorr is still bust doing his stealing energy bit. ( Think Galactus but nowhere near as cool.) Mercurio and Thor sneak up to the part of Xorr’s body where Sif is being held. Using his right hand which shoots fire and heats up the section of Xorr, then using his left hand he cools the section down, and Thor using his hammer breaks Sif free. You would think that Xorr would notice all this but he’s too consumed with the power of this dumb ass sun.

The conflict ends when Xorr then absorbs way too much power from the exploding sun and he himself blows up. Wrapping this story up in a nice little package. Thor then hugs Sif and tells everyone to leave so they can have some privacy. Mercurio then tells everyone that while his planet is still going to die, it was nice to make friends. Wait, no that didn’t happen. But that would have been funny. He and his 4-D people come and take bits of Xorr to save his planet. Then makes a bee line to get the hell out of this kooky world. My words, not his, but it should have been. Great art but holy shit this story got really weak. This should have just been Thor and Mercurio sitting around watching OWN. That way at least they would have been a bit more comfortable. But just a bit. Yeah, that’s how this rant will end.

-Tash Moore

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