Saturday, June 14, 2014

Comics Rant: Mighty Thor #217

Written By Gerry Conway
Pencils By John Buscema
Inks By Sal Buscema
Colors By P. Goldberg

Hey there, kids and fully grown adults. Tash Moore here with a review for more Bronze Age Thor goodness. Well to be fully honest with you, some of the tales are a bit lackluster. No wonder they gave the book to Walt Simonson and let him do what he wanted. While the story could be hit or miss (Like almost anything like the big two throw at us each and every month) the art was always top notch. “Big” John Buscema always had a bevy of inkers to make his fantastic work look even better. Unless your name just happened to end with Colletta. We hate that guy. (And not just 'cause he was awful.) So that’s a major plus in my book. Which you can’t read. Hey, it is MY book. Go get your own, you troll faced goober.

Anyway, I’ve got a book to review and in this issue, Thor gets a break. Yeah, I’m just kidding, we all know he doesn’t.
He, Odin, Sif and crew return to find Asgard has been repoed. Yeah, turns out during all those awesome ass space adventures they were out on, Odin didn’t check the mail and the bank foreclosed on Asgard. Yup, that’s it. A giant FOR SALE sign was hanging on the Golden Bridge. No word on what the going rate will be.

Okay, that totally didn’t happen in this issue. But admit it, you’d think it’d be pretty damn funny if it did. I know I would. But then again I pretty much laugh at anything. Well, except new Simpsons. (That show’s just sad.) Wait, okay Thor and company come back to see a fake Odin, Thor, and Sif just hanging about Asgard. We all know how Thor feels about false gods. We know he likes it even less when said fake gods are of his dear ol’ daddy. So what happens? Why they fight, of course. (It’s all Thor and Odin know.) I’d hate to see Thanksgiving on Asgard. Fights and old people being pushed over. It’s all a mess.

So the fake Thor and Odin fight the real Thor and Odin. Say that five times fast. Go ahead, I’ll wait……. Okay you finished? No? Okay……. Finally. So they fight, then they fight some more (Fight, Fight, Fight, Bite, Bite, Bite) then the bad guy of the whole damn thing gets shown to Thor and the reader and it’s……Igron!

Yeah I was like “Hey, who the hell is this?” too! Igron was a slave to Loki in the past. Igron got a little too big headed, so what did Loki do? Why he did the same thing you or I would do when we get upset with a co-worker. He sold Igron to the Trolls. (Makes sense to me.) A few issues ago when Thor fought the Trolls, Igron took his chance to break free from them. He returned to Asgard to find that Loki had been blinded and Thor and Odin gone. So he did what any bad guy would do. Create evil versions of the good guys to take over. Truly a fool proof plan. He then explains in true James Bond Villain fashion what he has done.

Thor then kicks his ass and sends him on his way. Seeing as how it’s been a long, tough road back into Odin’s good graces and getting back home, Thor had earned some rest, right? WRONG! The moment Thor lays down on his bed, Odin calls him to the chamber room. Odin’s all like “ I know you’re tired boy, but while we were away a grave threat to the Universe is headed our way! Uhm, you go deal with it, I’ll hold the fort down here and bring back some milk too!” (Yup.)

For the most part this issue showed us what Thor does best. Beat people up and totally get no sleep. I bet next issue Thor will be sleeping while the galaxy is enslaved. Shit, sounds like a really good time to call those Guardian guys. No, I don’t mean those little blue bastards from the Green Lantern universe. They always gave me the creeps. (Maybe because their eyes had no SOULS!!!) (Maybe.) Well that’s how this rant will end. Until then make mine drawn by John Buscema.

-Tash Moore

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