Friday, July 25, 2014

Comics Rant: Mighty Thor #219

Written By Gerry Conway
Pencils By John Buscema
Inks By Mike Esposito
Colors By Glynis Wein

This is it! The second to last issue of my (Tash Moore) reviews for the Bronze Age Thor. It’s been a good run, along with Trolls, Frost Giants and upset fathers. Sounds like a really bad Coen Brother’s Film. All we’d need is Steve Buscemi looking lanky and sad in a Thor outfit while John Goodman is rocking the Odin dud’s telling him to “Shut up, Donny!”  It’ll be great and just a little bit awkward.  But I’d still find Jeff Bridge’s Loki the best. “ Loki abides man. Loki abides!”

But enough with my craziness. This issue has Thor yet again confronting The Black Stars! And boy are they not happy.
We get an origin story of sorts. It sounds like The Black Stars and Galactus could be related somehow. The Black Stars head over to a galaxy and blow up all the planets. Then using a “Cosmic Scooper” take all the debris to fuel them. If that ain’t Galactus, then man I don’t know what is. No word on if the Estate of Jack Kirby will be looking to sue.

While in their Space Boat, Thor and crew get attacked by a giant metal being named Avalon! He reveals to Thor that he was created to stop the Black Stars and Thor should team up with his race of “caretakers” in the battle to save the galaxy from The Black Stars. But I guess I should have mentioned that Avalon and Thor only team up after the customary Marvel Comics “The two good guys fight then decided to join sides when they both find out that they are heroes.”  This happens to me at work all the time. Minus the flowing blond hair and giant ass hammer. But yea.

Thor and Avalon take the fight to the Black Stars. Only for them to send a Kirby-esque cyborg called The Protector out to face them. Stan Lee then comes out of the shadows and knocks out Gerry Conway to steal the idea of The Protector whilst cashing multiple royalty checks. One of them has Steve Ditko’s name on it. True story.

A big donnybrook erupts with Thor, Avalon and the Protector. So much for him protecting! Thor just bashes him with his mallet until he blows up. Let that be a lesson to you all! If you ever come across a problem that has insurmountable odds, just beat the ever loving shit out of it. Trust me, the police will totally believe you, when you say Thor did it. You might not even go to jail! You might get the key to the city…….but most likely yo’ ass is going to jail. The main bad guy shows up and it’s Kragonn!!!! No clue as to who this dude is but we’ll all find out next time! Now excuse me everyone, I’m off to court!

-Tash Moore

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