Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Comics Rant: Batman #456

Batman #456
Written By Alan Grant
Pencils By Norm Breyfogle
Inks By Steve Mitchell
Colors By Adrienne Roy

Oh boy, what a tangled web we…wait that’s for if I’m writing a rant for Spider-Man. You should all know by now that this is a Batman rant. And it’s presented to you by one of my favorite Batman creative teams. Hey, I even did a list and they were on there. Number six, if I’m not mistaken. You can even go ahead and check out the list right over here

Okay, with that aside we can get to this rant. Batman is still on the streets trying to figure out just what could make seemingly normal people just lash out and commit crimes. Must be something in the water. Batman stops some jerk-ass dressed as Santa attacking people in a mall. Batman breaks this guy's ribs then goes to drop him off with Lt. Kitch. Batman learns that Vicky Vale had a lead at to what’s going down with the random crimes and goes to look into it. I always get just a feeling that the GCPD are lazy bums. They get a great lead from Vicky Vale, but don’t follow up on it “'cause she's a woman.” Okay he didn’t say that. Not out loud anyway.

Batman is sharp as a whip, so he goes to investigate. Bat follows Vicky, who is following a lead from a picture she took from doing that whole interview with the Hobo’s in Batman #455. Don’t believe me, just go and read that rant. (Shameless plug.) So Vale gets picked up by some goons, cuz she’s meant to be captured. It’s all she knows. Just as Batman hits the streets he sees Vale being taken away. But instead of trying to stop the goons from taking her away, he just decides to follow them. Plus did you know the Batmobile has a silent feature? Yup, Batman had a bunch of Illegial’s to pimp his ride. True story.

Tim Drake (Still my favorite Robin.) sits in
the Batcave trying to piece this whole thing together. He then falls asleep and then sees Jason Todd and Dick Grayson appear in his dream (Sans pants.) and tells him that being Robin is important. Yeah, we all pretty much figured it out there dude. Tim knows that if he leaves the Manor, Bruce won’t let him be the new Robin. Tim calls the Batmobile but no answer. So he calls Gordon who says that Batman can handle himself and can’t send spare any units to check on him.

The goons take Vicky Vale to meet the boss. We don’t see the bad guy but it makes Vicky scream like a little kid. NOOOOOOO! Just like that, folks. So Batman races headlong to go get Vicky and walks right into a trap. He jumps on a ledge to enter the building and the whole thing just collapses and Batman and all the steel get trapped under a giant mound of snow. (It’s where I park during the winter.)

Back at Wayne Manor, Tim Drake says “Screw it!” and jumps into a cab because he figured the crimes out. Whoever this bad guy is, he has an older factory on the west side of Gotham that Batman tangled with a few years ago. Man, Batman must have a weak memory. He must be getting up there in his old age. So Tim has to disobey Batman and goes to make sure he’s okay. We switch back to Batman and the bad guy is revealed to be Scarecrow! He drags an injured Batman into his factory and tells him that since it’s around the Christmas time and he never really had one, he wants the people of Gotham to not have the holiday either. What is this guy? The Grinch? Now that he has Batman right where he wants him, he's going to have Batman over for a nice turkey meal. Or maybe kill him. I’m pretty much going to say it’s the second thing. But don’t hold me to that. You’ll have to come back to my next Batman rant to find out if Batman and Scarecrow fight or eat.  So see you all in about a week, right here!

-Tash Moore

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