Saturday, December 27, 2014

Comics Rant: Fantastic Four #199

Fantastic Four #199
Written By Marv Wolfman
Pencils By Keith Pollard
Inked By Joe Sinnott
Colors By J.Cohen

Doom Jr.? Doom Sr? Dudes named Zorba? Where do I sign up? Tash Moore here and I’m bringing you a rant for Fantastic Four #199! That means there’s only one issue left before the money hungry 200th issue. Which you just know is gonna ask from more money like that step kid that you’ve taken into your home as your own. Those ungrateful punks. Anyway, It’s Doom and Doom Jr. taking on the FF and a revolt is in the air. In Doom’s land of Portlandia, I mean Latveria. Yeah, that’s what I totally mean.

So we left off with last issue where Mr. Fantastic gets captured by Dr. Doom. Huh. If this guy is so damn Fantastic how come he keeps getting caught? Seems like Reed
should his name to Mr. Crap at least I’m trying! Or not. >Got nothing.<  Reed and crew are held in a machine that will transfer the powers of the FF to Doom Jr. Or Doom the 2nd. I don’t know about you but I’m really leaning forward to Doom Jr. It’s got a nice ring to it, I think. But before the transfer can fully take, Zorba and he’s freedom fighters come to the palace to confront the good doctor.

Doom’s not really big on being interrupted as you would imagine, so he goes out to the people and makes a scene. Zorba wants Doom to give the people their freedom. You know, seeing as how Zorba is a freedom fighter, it only makes sense that he’d you know, want freedom. It all adds up. Doom laughs this off. He’s passing the throne that he stole from Zorba’s brother and giving it to his son. Turns out Doom tells us, the reader, that he’s only passing along the throne of the country to his son so the United Nations won’t kick Latveria out of the UN. You know, on account of Doom being a villain. They tend to frown upon things like that. Shit, Doom is so full of himself he’d probably think he was the Marvel U’s number one hero!

Back in Doom’s lab, Reed breaks free and lets the other members of the Fantastic Four out of the transfer tubes. Zorba breaks past Doom and shows Reed some plans that he stole from Doom some time ago. Reed then breaks the news that Doom Jr. is really a child. But a CLONE! Those of you who really know me out there know how much I love clones! I really do. Just ask the 1990’s and all the damn Spider-Man titles I picked up. Even the crappy ones they let Tim Lyle write. Great artist, but as a writer he made Howard Mackie look like Alan Moore.  Doom’s plan is to pretty much transfer his mind into the clones body and still rule Latveria and then the world. Say what you want about Doom, but you can’t say the guy doesn’t have goals.

But here’s the twist. Hey, It’s a Marvel Comic. You knew there’d be a twist somewhere. If not, Stan Lee would have tracked down Marv Wolfman and beat him with a stick while telling him how great John Bucema was. It’d be great. And bloody.  So clone Doom goes all crazy with the partial powers of the FF and takes the fight to Daddy Doom. For some reason I just got a great idea that those morons over at Sony would love. Daddy Doom Daycare. It’ll be great. When Eddie Murphy drops out after the first film and Cuba Gooding Jr. will star as Doom in the sequel. Causing Doom to hack Sony yet again! I’ve clearly lost it……….DOOM!!!!

So Doom kills Doom Jr. to much regret. But like anything else he’s done, he blames Reed Richards and his family. I bet Doom throws his fist in the air when he forgets to mail out Christmas cards. “It’s never Doom’s fault. It must be that Richards. Yeah, that’s it!” I also get a kick out of Doom always speaking in the third person. Who does this guy think he is? A pro wrestler? Anyway Doom wants to kill the FF and it starts next issue. It’s Fantastic Four #200 next and he’s gonna be over sized (Overpriced?) fight to the finish. Until the next writer undoes all the stuff I just wrote about. Be here.

-Tash Moore

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