Saturday, March 7, 2015

Comics Rant: Fantastic Four #204

Fantastic Four #204
Written By Marv Wolfman
Pencils By Keith Pollard
Inks By Joe Sinnott
Colors By Francoise M.

This issue starts off with little Franklin Storm riding the Thing like a pony. Sounds like a good idea at the time. No word or if riding a guy who’s pretty much made of orange rock gave little Franklin himorids. But before The Thing can run off to his date with Alicia Masters ( The only woman other than Mrs. Thing to want to get down with Ben Grimm) Agatha Harkness swings by to take Franklin to his lessons. Whatever those are. It’s never said. Better not to dwell on it. So Franklin goes and Sue complains to Reed that they don’t spend enough time with their son. Reed ain’t really hearing that because something from space is stealing energy from outer space.

So I really don’t want to keep you in suspense but
the reason why the energy is being taken is because a space princess shows up in the Baxter Building. Side note: Johnny Storm ain’t going to be heading out with the Fantastic Four on this mission. Why? Glad you asked. Why, Johnny swung (Flew?) by his old school ESU (Empire State University) and everyone’s making him feel bad because he never finished and also about the fact that people pretty much think he’s a total dumb ass. When you really think about it, Johnny really hasn’t done anything to combat this issue.

Back at the Baxter Building, Reed makes The Thing call Alicia and call of their date. Seems the Space Princess was attacked on her home planet by the Skrulls and they followed her to Earth to finish her off. We all know that the FF are totally not cool with the Skrulls and Reed and The Thing take him out. Reed stretching around him and The Thing punching the Skrull to hell out.

Suzerain is the name of our space Princess and of course Reed, Sue and The Thing agree to go back to her home planet and kick ass all over the Skrulls. But it won’t be the full might of the Fantastic Four. The Human Torch doesn’t want to go. Instead of helping his family slash friends he wants to mope around and feel sorry for himself. Hell, even I’m starting to root against this poor bastard. You’re cold, Johnny Storm. Wait, I mean warm, or something. Whatever.

So off the Fantastic uhmm, Three go off to help Suzerain to fight the Skrulls and Johnny goes off to talk to Spider-Man. They’ve always been pals to some extent. But if you guys have been reading Amazing Spider-Man. You’d know that he’s busy, fighting the damn Man-Wolf. That’s more important than tending to the ego of Johnny Storm.

Next Johnny goes to talk to the Avengers, cause no one understands Super Heroes like other Super Heroes. But The Avengers are super busy in a meeting. No doubt talking to Brian Michael Bendis while sitting around a giant table talking. And that’s really about it. It would have cost $4.99 for Johnny Storm to walk in a sit in on said meeting.

So Johnny get’s a telegram telling him to come to upstate NY to attend a college for rich white people. Johnny’s like “Hey, I’m Rich and White! Sounds about right to me.” Off Johnny goes and gets a lay of the land and he saves some other Rich White kids from a wall that falls down. No, really. Johnny decides that this is pretty much the place for him to be, and joins the school. But surprise, surprise the bad guy known as the Monocle is there to trap Johnny and make him a slave. Quick, someone call Abraham Lincoln. I’m pretty sure that shit is illegal. Let’s see how The Human Torch gets out of this one. I bet he does!

-Tash Moore

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