Sunday, April 12, 2015

Comics Rant: Fantastic Four #206

Fantastic Four #206
Written By Marv Wolfman
Penciled By Keith Pollard
Inks By Joe Sinnott
Colors By B.Sean

I was moving some stuff and then remembered that I was totally late in getting this rant posted. I blame it on work and the fact that it’s getting warmer outside and I can finally get some skating in. Don’t blame m, folks. Blame the weather…..and sleep. But ahem, lets get down to this issue of the Fantastic Four, well three at this point. Johnny Storm is just hanging out back in New York going to this new funky school for rich white kids. No word if TMZ is behind this school. This is what makes me not really care or connect with the Human Torch. Things get tough and the FF need him, he runs off to do his own thing. What a way to help family out, you douche.

So It’s Sue, Reed and Ben being held hostage on the Skurll home world. And they have been found guilty of being ass holes and stopping the Skrull Empire from expanding into our galaxy. So they all get blasted by a ray gun and it looks like they all die, but since it’s a comic book, no dice. They awake in a cell and the Skrull tell them that they don’t believe in a swift death but torture. Which I guess they think makes them seem more humane. Not so much, really. But hey, they get the “A” for effort.

The ray that they have been hit with will make them age to the point of death but it takes three days for the ray to fully take effect. If I was the leader of the Skrulls I’d take the creator of the this weapon and beat him death with it. What the hell good is a weapon that takes three fucking days to work? Shit, if that’s the case, they should have just feed the FF unhealthy food then laughed how the food would kill them in twenty years time! That’s show that Fantastic Four! Death by high cholesterol. HAHAHAH, Revenge is mine! Ugh, stupid ass Skrulls.

So you all know what happens next. Reed and his rag tag group breaks free and goes back to save their friends planet from being blown up by the Skrulls. If you read my last rant you know that’s why the Fantastic Four are out chilling in space. Reed even points out how fucking stupid the Skrulls are by attacking a planet just because you can. Even I’m starting to wonder just what Marv Wolfman was thinking when he penned this story. His editor most likely didn’t even read his script. Oh, Wait. Marv is his own editor on his own book. Hmm, he’s still more competent than Chris Claremont. But then again, so is my cat.

Reed, Ben and Sue steal a Skrull space craft and make a run for it. But before they can get very far they run into Nova. Looks like his book and the FF are due for a crossover. Makes sense if you ask me, which by reading this rant this far, you do. You guys know I love you. No, not you….you! Yeah, the other guy. You’re awesome. Now go get me some coffee. Typical Marvel team up to follow. Nova attacks FF the finds out that they are both good guys and then just say’s “Fuck It.” and team up to kick Skrull ass. It’ll be great. Also long awaited, feels like I’ve been going over this story forever. Keith Pollard is a gem that more fans need to go back and check out his huge body of Marvel work, it’s a sight to behold. Hell he even makes Reed Richards look cool. No easy feat.

-Tash Moore

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