Thursday, May 7, 2015

Comics Rant: Captain America #6

Captain America #6
Written By Mark Waid
Pencils By Dale Eaglesham
Inks By Scott Koblish
Colors By Joe Rosas

As I sit here with no coffee, I figured that I should go ahead and review the sixth issue of the “Heroes Return” of the rebooted Captain America. I’ll admit it was all pretty good. I mean, really, how could you go wrong when you leave one of your flagship title in his hands. I kid here, folks. It was 1998, so Cap was in no way a flagship book. They gave it to Rob Liefeld for cripes sake. Yeah, I gotta say that was a real shitty plan.

But all jokes aside, the Skrull who’s taken over in the form of Captain America is being all nosey around Avengers Mansion. Iron Man evens chides “Cap” for damn near shutting down half of the United States defense system. Good to know that America can has ol’ shellhead looking after our interest.
Nothing like a former drunk with his hands on the button. Hey, he’s just like Dubya. Oh, that Mark Waid. He clearly saw the writing on the wall for the 2000 election.

The real Captain America is still locked up in the Empire State Building. It’s funny because Cap has clearly been trapped in the cleaning room for sometime and no one found him. I guess they could get away with this. Maybe it was a weekend. Who knows. So Cap is stuck and tries to get free from the Skrull Handcuffs that shift to keep you in restraints. But fear not, because this is Captain America’s book. So you know he gotta get free. How you might ask? By jumping down an elevator shaft and causing the Skrull handcuffs to crack. Well, shit. That was easy.

At the Scene of Meet the Press or some other Sunday talk show, President Clinton is giving an interview. Fake Cap arranges for some of his Skrull Homeboys to attack the President. Fake Cap jumps in and saves the President then calls a quick press conference. Why’d he do that? Why to lie to the public that one in twenty people are really Skurlls. Well, who knew Mark Waid came up with “Secret Invasion.” Quick, someone tell Joe Quesada to cut this man a check.

But thankfully, our Cap which is the real Cap if you’ve been keeping track arrives just as he hears Skrull Cap with his plan to cause trouble. So now everyone on the good ol’ US of A is attacking people on the street and shooting shit up because they think normal people are really in fact Skrulls. This leads mass hysteria and all types of grief for Captain America because this has all been done in his name. Hulkamania…Capamania is burning itself out. About time, too. Now that the shit has hit the fan how will Captain America regain the trust of the nation? But an even better question, does he want to? Time will tell. And I will so come back soon with the next issue of Mark Waid’s Captain America.

-Tash Moore

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