Captain America #7
Written By Mark Waid
Pencils By Dale Eaglesham & Andy Kubert
Inks By Andy Smith and Jesse Delperdang
Colors By Joe Rosas
Captain America as the talk of the town comes to a bittersweet end, here gang. Tash Moore and I’m pulling myself from getting stuck in a New Jersey rain storm to bring you this rant for Cap. It’s the final throw down with the Super Skrull that’s been making Cap an icon just so he can slander Captain America and turn the American people against him. Sounds just like that FOX news does to President Obama. Yup.
So people are going apeshit on each other cause from last issue, Fake Skrull Cap told the world at large that if you know someone who doesn’t seem quite normal, chances are, they are a Skrull and you need to kill those motherfuckers on sight. Clearly something the real Captain America would never do. But hey, screw logic here. I bet Dick Cheney is thinking “Where the fuck where these unquestioning assholes when the press was asking questions circa 2006?” USA dated politics FTW!
So yeah, the shit has hit the fan and people are fighting on the streets and shooting at each other, too. Crazy stuff. So Cap ain’t rocking his CA duds but he’s still out on the streets trying to keep the peace. Plus he’s got Tony Stark and Reed Richards are working on some secret weapon to help Cap, but you know they don’t say what. That’s saved for the ending, silly.
The Avengers are helping out all over the country stopping people from taking each other to task. Kudos to Mark Waid for having Thor break up some moron with a gun by blasting his dumb ass with a giant rain storm. Been waiting for someone to write that for years now. Bad Pun alert when Scarlet Witch breaks up some riots with Hawkeye and he tells her she’s got ’Hex Appeal.” Oh, Hawkeye, do the laughs ever start!? The Evil Skrull get’s upset that Captain America doesn’t come out of hiding as quickly as he was hopping so what does he do? That’s right, he takes to the TV to address the nation and continue to ruin Cap’s good name and tell people the the Freaking President (Aka Bill Clinton) is a SKRULL!!!! Treason she wrote!!!!
But before Fake Skrull Cap can have President Clinton Impeached and Al Gore celebrating on his political corpse (or real one, hey the Skurlls ARE playing for keeps here) the real Captain America is on the scene and he brings the Fantastic Four and The Avengers, who just take turns kicking the crap out of the Skrull, on national TV, no less. This also teaches kids that if have a problem with a bully just gather all your friends and kick his ass. Remember kids, there is strength is numbers as the Skurll finds out here. So yeah, the Skrull is stupid. The whole thing ends with Captain America holding a Press Conference saying he was sorry about “Capmania” and also the American people are stupid for just blindly following him. Oh, that Cap with the double talk. Shit, George W. Bush could have learned a lesson from Cap circa 1998. But Captain America wow’s to go on as our hero. Despite not having any Congressinal Oversite. That’s a real American hero is you ask me. And you did. By reading all this. Good for you! You’re the tops. So was this issue of Captain Ameica. Until next time, stay out of the rain and don’t blindly follow people. Unless they are dress like a flag. Sounds good to me. Wait.