Thursday, June 25, 2015

Comics Rant: New X-Men #117

New X-Men #117
Written By Grant Morrison
Pencils By Ethan Van Sciver
Inks By Prentiss Rollins
Colors By Hi Fi Design

More New X-Men goodness, But this time Grant Morrison is matched up with Ethan Van Sciver to pencil this book. I guess Frank Q, couldn’t really keep up with the demands of a monthly comic book. So he told Marvel he could then took the money and ran. You know, only showing up to collect a paycheck from Mike Marts for giving a cover. What a lazy bum. But Van Sciver does a good job with the art here and Beast looks more like a big blue kitty kat and the women don’t look like cross dressers. Our tale starts off with a new mutant joining Xavier’s school. He’s the Beak. Yup, you guessed it, he looks like a bird. Works for me.

Beak is working with Beast in the danger room and connects with Beak because you know, they both look like freaks. “Freaks R us is what Xavier’s has turned into. Also, tons of people are protesting mutants in front of the school. Never seen that before so mad props to Morrison. So Beak is so down with Beast he says that he’ll swing by later to give him his most prized possession, a titanium baseball bat. Say what the hell now? I’m not the greatest person or anything like that but if your most prized possession is a baseball bat, I’d say that you’d have problems in life. Big ones.

Jean is feeling a bit down and out because she’s not getting any love from Cyclops. He’s been acting odd since he was on of the four horsemen working for Apocalypse. Man, I think every mutant at some point or another has worked or been enslaved by Apocalypse. I hear he has good health care benefits or something. Oh and time off too. If you’re an X-Man you can bet your ass is working the weekend! Jean makes out with Wolverine, but Wolvie is all like “No baby, you both know it can never  work, plus I don’t do second place.” Okay maybe he didn’t say all that, but he totally should have.

Hey did I mention that Prof. X, after outing himself as a mutant decides that “Man, I work really hard, I’m gonna go chill with the Shi’ar and take a break.” No really, he does. But not before leaving Jean in charge of the school. But the great plot twist is that Beast is talking with Prof. X before he leaves. Beast was going to go on a date with his longtime girlfriend, Trish Tilby, but she dumps him because he, once again, looks like a cat. Here I thought women would love that type of thing since you know, women love cats. Morrison got it wrong here. Bah!

Since Beast is clearly not going to be busy he looks at the DNA of body of Cassandra Nova that’s still alive but in a coma and finds out that Nova and Prof. X share the same DNA! Gasp! Turns out they are brother and sister and somehow Cassandra Nova has switched bodies with the good Professor. She then berates Beast because yet again, he looks like a cat! Talk about beating a dead horse…..or cat in this matter. Beak walks in as all this is going on, (Talk about the wrong place at the wrong time.) and Nova using the Prof. Powers takes over him and forces to Beak to beat Beast almost to death.

Beak cries and the “Prof. X” says “Peace out, Ya’ll!” and leaves to hang with the Shi’ar. Her/his plan? To bring the entire power of the Shi’ar down on Marvel’s Merry Mutants! Good issue here. Dug how everyone IS acknowledging the fact that Beast is a big cat and Cyclops is more of a loner goober than ever. Can’t Wait for the Shi’ar-X-Men heavyweight bout that Morrison and crew brings us.

-Tash Moore

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