Saturday, September 12, 2015

Comics Rant: Batman #351

Batman #351
Written By Gerry Conway
Penciled By Gene Colan
Inked By Tony Dezuniga
Colored By Adrienne Roy

Bat-Vampire? Oh yeah. That’s really what’s going on in this issue of Batman. To bring you up to speed, Dick Grayson has returned to help Gotham and Batman out by once again becoming Robin. But he also has a new love interest, Dala. Dick met her while going to Gotham U. But as it would turn out, her and her brother are both Vampires. Man, I’m sure that happens to dudes in college all the time. Right? If anybody reading this and just started their secondary education and a girl shows interest in you, run like hell.

So Dala and her brother turns Robin into a vampire and in turn, he turns Batman into one, as well. Batman is fighting to keep himself from killing people, but Robin don’t care. First he comes on to Vicki Vale and tries to bite her, but she thinks he’s making a move and runs into her apartment.
Vampire Batman sees this and they fight, with Batman winning and taking Robin back to the Batcave. (No Blood/Soup for you!) Thankfully, Alfred has all bases covered. Boss Throne thinks that Bruce and Batman are one and the same, so Alfred hires the Human Target, Christopher Chance to fill in as Bruce. Great way to introduce a DC staple to a larger audience. Other publisher’s should take note.

Batman has strapped Robin to a gurney in the cave and yet again, Alfred saves the day by calling a priest. Yeah, you read that right. The Priest and Batman team up to get Dala and her brother. Because surprise, surprise, did you know there is a cure for being a vampire. Yes sir, and the Priest knows it, and yes it requires the blood of the original vampire to make it. Go figure. Thankfully this dude isn’t a catholic priest. Or Batman would have one more thing that would haunt his dreams other than some dead parents. Zing! We all know that Batman can kick anyone’s ass, so naturally, Dala gets her’s handed to her. In today’s PG Batman ain’t allowed to hit women, so this’ll clearly be a one time deal. This along with all drawings of Superman sweating have been taken and burnt by Paul Levitz.

Batman then turns his sights to Dala’s brother,who Gerry Conway was legit too lazy to name. And if he was I’m too lazy to double check. I’m not getting out of this chair. It’s soft. If he does have a name email it to me to  Your email will then be read and deleted my yours truly. Or my cat. Hey, he don’t get a free ride. I know you feel me! Not you, the other guys. Yeah, him. He’s cool. Wait, what?  Oh, yeah. Batman is fighting Dala’s brother and he starts to lose but Batman pulls a Hulk Hogan  and is all like “No way do I lose dude, This is my fucking book!” Batman then just shrugs and beats Dala’s brother and gets his cure. It was a fun, horror themed issue. But as Doug Moench takes over as the new writer, we get back to a crime noir feeling and tales that take place in the streets, that I feel suit Batman much, much better. Oh and the ending was awesome and Deadshot is hired by Boss Thorn to take out Bruce Wayne aka Batman. Oh shit. Excitement, she wrote!

-Tash Moore

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