Friday, September 18, 2015

Comics Rant: New X-Men #132

New X-Men #132
Written By Grant Morrison
Penciled By Phil Jimenez
Inked By Andy Lanning
Colored By Chris Chuckry

Well, would you look at that. A New X-Men issue that totally made sense and didn’t seem like it was written in a whacked out drug state. You know, now that I think about it. That’s also how I write my rants. Hey, great minds think alike. Or, maybe just the crazy ones. I guess X-men editor put a gun to Grant Morrison’s head and forced him to write a compelling story. Okay, that may not be true. It might just have involved withholding royalty checks. Or something.

So way back, in the beginning of the Morrison’s run, he did a tale where the Sentinels blew up Genosha and killed millions of Mutants and Magneto. So after all the crap that went down with X-France (They dead.) and Weapon XII (Fantomex, FTW!) Prof. X and Jean stop on the island of Genosha to pay their respects. And hey, even Storm shows up to lend moral support. She’s on loan from the Chris Claremont X-Treame X-Men title, so yeah, she’s got a crappy early 2000’s uniform on.
Go figure. Hey, it always takes the new decade to move away from the previous one. Once why the early 1990’s still look like shit that it the late 1980’s. True story.

Quicksilver shows up because, well his old man is gone. They talk about how Magneto may now be better off because he’s become something so much more. Who knew Grant Morrison helped plot 2005’s Batman Begins.

Ra’s Al Ghul “You can be some much more….a legend.”

Magneto:  “Thanks, Bro. Now bring me some cookies.”

Ra’s Al Ghul: “Hey, Shut up.”

Yes. It happened just like that.

There’s some weird magnetic disturbance and the temporary X-Men aim to find out. Before that can be done the X-Men find Unus the Untouchable. A mutant so lame that even Stan Lee said “Fuck it, I can’t make this guy cool.” When Stan Lee throws you under the bus, you know you got a problem. But then again, it’s safe to say that Unus wasn’t really given a chance. Natch. Unus is all bent out of shape. Seems he’s come down with some Survivor’s guilt and I for one don’t blame him. Unus is not officially a babbling moron when can’t string together a sentence… a few people I know. Ahem. The X-Men also find Toad building a large ass statue in honor of Magneto. I guess Toad has Stockholm Syndrome, cause Magneto treated him like totally shit.

 Some funky ass magnetic problems are being broadcasted around the Island Nation, which is being powered by Polaris, who the X-Men find alive. She’s the reason why there’s so much magnetic interference but there’s a reason for it. She’s broadcasting the final message of Magneto as the Sentinels sent by Cassandra Nova. It’s a powerful message that even if someone’s dead, they are never truly gone. Godspeed.

-Tash Moore

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