Saturday, March 5, 2016

Comics Rant: Batman #49

Batman #49
Written by Scott Snyder & James Tynion IV
Drawn by Yanick Paquette
Colored by Nathan Fairbairn

........ So what the fuck just happened? I got my piles of comics and was like "Hey, look, Batman. That's always a fun read." And shit was like, "Not today, pal". So I started reading this and it starts with Bruce Wayne remembering his life as Batman and forces Alfred to take him to the Batcave. Just why do you ask? Why, because Mr. Bloom has handed the Jim Gordon Batman his shiny metal ass and is ripping up Gotham City.

But in a scene that looks like Scott Snyder sent the script to Grant Morrison then back to himself and to the editor, Alfred has a machine in the cave that has Batman copy memories that can cause, and I'm not making this up here folks, "Brain Death" and the memories of Batman can go on in a new Bruce Wayne. Say what the fuck now? Reading this fucking issue gave me the Brain Death.

Cut to more panels that show other Batmen on other planets. Huh? They are all looking to converge on the current Bruce Wayne to make him a better Batman. Shit, man I would have just been happy with the Jim Gordon Batman sticking around and doing his thing. Instead, well, we get this. Hurm. So Bruce goes to the cave and is in his Batman making machine and Alfred keeps turning it on and off. Pretty much delaying the process.

Just then, Julie Madison shows up and she's all like, "I've known all along that Bruce was Batman." Bitch, say what? This chick lies more than a Marvel editor when they say shit like, "We have a new big event book on the way." It's not really an event as it's a high jacking of your fucking money from your pocket. Oh yeah, you know what I mean. But Julie Madison turns the Batman reboot machine all the way on up to 11, I guess. And Bruce Wayne as Batman is back. And just in time for yet another DC reboot or whatever the hell is slated in June. Sorry, it was the drizzling shits and while I do like Yannick Paquette's art, even that wasn't enough to save this shit show of a title. I expect more of this from the Morrison's of the world, not Scott Snyder.

-Tash Moore

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