Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Comics Rant: Daredevil #5

Daredevil #5
Written by Charles Soule
Drawn by Ron Garney
Colored by Matt Milla

The Man without Fear is back..... in my rant, that is. Ahem. We are now in the middle of a Daredevil resurgence. By the team of Soule and Garney. Why, the look and tone of the book is so groundbreaking that it even looks like a tale you've already read before. CoughChiChesterCoughFallFromGrace. So the story of a dude named Tenfingers has been running through the the pages of ol' Hornhead for about five issues now. It's the story of a dude with, yeah, you guessed it. Tenfingers. (I know, I know.) Either this book has been shipping late or I've been slow to review it. If it's late then, jeers to the folks over at Marvel/Disney. If it's my fault, well fuck that, I got cats to provide for. It's all about priorities, yo.

Priorities, indeed. Matt isn't even sticking to his. His big blind ass is always running off to fight crime along side his new best pal Blindspot. When you don't want people to know that you really can't see is Blindspot really the best sidekick to have? To make matters worst, Blindspot's mom is sleeping with Tenfingers, which has gotta make the holidays odd. Not to mention sex. Ugh. The Fist, which totally looks like a super zombied up version of a hand ninja (which would make a cool heroclix, if they even still make those damn things) is kicking Tenfingers' ass in front of his church goers.

Tenfingers, being the little bitch that he is, can't stand the thought of being belittled in front of his members just says. "Fuck it!" And decides to have them all killed so they can't spread just how sucky he really is. Shit, man. Talk about an ego problem. I see a team up with Dr. Doom to see who has to cough up the drivers license and insurance card for the road trip car. By Jason Aaron, coming this fall. ( I wish.)

Blindspot tries to get his mother to join the good side with a speech so bad that while he's giving it one of those wild, wild west tumble weeds goes by as everyone just stares at it. Then he gets his ass handed to him. But, wait. Before that, Blindspot uses twitter to reach out to Daredevil to come to his rescue. About time, Twitter should a problem. Or should I say, social media. Good thing that fucker didn't try to contact Daredevil via MySpace. The poor guy would be killed waiting for the fucking page to load.

Did I mention that Tenfingers has a fucking gun that can hold all ten fingers?!?! I didn't? Well, he does. It's freaking awesome. Too bad it doesn't help at all. Hope you saved the receipt there, pal. For some custom shit like that, you know he's not getting all his money back. Tenfingers runs away and Daredevil finds a way to kill the Fist. I.e., he used a sword to behead him. Shit, when did Daredevil pull a Ben Affleck and start killing people? Tenfingers gets what was coming to him when the Hand finds him and pulls his fingers and arms. (No arms? HO!) I got nothing. Daredevil tells Blindspot "Good job, kid. Now why is Captain America with Hydra, again?" Before completely jumping off the wrong side of the building into a brick wall. Okay that didn't happen. But it should have.

-Tash Moore

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