Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Comics Rant: Amazing Spider-Man #13

Amazing Spider-Man #13
Written by Dan Slott
Penciled by Giuseppe Camuncoli
Inked by Cam Smith
Colored by Marte Gracia


Boy, I sure do love Spider-Man, not that you already didn't know that, but hey. Here we are with a brand new (I really mean late) rant for the last issue I read of Amazing Spider-Man. I'm guessing that sales must be a bit on the slow side so look, here's Iron Man (again.) Plus, somehow they shoehorned the Miles Morales Spider-Man in here, too.

Spidey meets Miles... for what you might ask? Why, batting practice of course. But it's cool because it's totally with web shooters. Huh. Who knew these Super folks, had so much spare time on their hands. What with all the Civil Wars and Rebirths and Secret Invasions that pop up from time to time. But I guess it's the little things that make life.

Iron Man makes with the disses on Peter Parker to Spider-Man. Clearly, that shit ain't gonna fly. But Miles tries to calm our hero down, seeing as how Peter Parker IS Spider-Man. If you already didn't know that, I can attest there is something very, very wrong with you. The thing that leads to an all out brawl between Spider-Man
and Iron Man is when Tony Stark takes a cheap shot at the web shooters tech Spidey's got on. If there's one thing you don't shit on, it's the web shooters! Well, that and Aunt May.

Sub plot time. Mary Jane, Harry, and Betty Brant grab lunch. While going over the paper and remembering from last issue, everyone at the table figures out that Augustus Roman is really Regent.  I mean, shit, ignoring the obvious has been the norm in Super Hero comics forever. Good thing Dan Slott is throwing that out the window. Now let's all ignore the fact that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Ahem. Hell, let's go ahead and forget the last sixty years of Marvel continuity. I know the Marvel editorial team already has. *CoughSecretWarsCough*

While Spider-Man and Iron Man are duking it out, Regent slips in and kidnaps (SpiderNaps?) Miles and takes him back to his base/Super Villain prison. Much like GITMO, Regent has undocumented heroes locked up there! And much like GITMO, he has no fucking clue if he'll ever let them out. I mean, this is uncharted waters here. Plus, he has taken it upon himself to do this. You sure Regent isn't modeled after George W. Bush? Because if he is, the motherfucker has my vote. Four more years!

Anyway, Spidey and Ol' Shelhead stop fighting like ten year olds to discover Miles is gone and he's been taken. Quick, someone put in a call to Liam Neeson! He'll know what to do. Oh and give the guy a cellphone, it's more or less his co-star. So finally the fighting has stopped and Spider-Man and Iron are gonna team up to find Miles. Boy that took the whole issue. Pretty much twice as long as it normally takes for a super tandem to get on the same page. The ending is Betty Brant going back to see Augustus Roman and straight up getting in his face to ask if he's Regent. Way to be inconspicuous there, Betts! All in all, not a bad issue. Too bad Miles was put in the Invisible Girl roll of having the district super power of getting captured. But hopefully, he'll get his (round) head in the game in the next issue.

-Tash Moore


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